


Steven Universe: Storm in the Mind

by journeyboiii



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Action, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bittersweet, Character Study, Gen, Heavy Angst, Mommy Issues, One Shot, Post-Canon, Steven Universe Future
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-20
Updated: 2020-05-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:41:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24283009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/journeyboiii/pseuds/journeyboiii
Summary: A few weeks after corrupted Steven's attack on beach city, Steven can't help but think about his mother. During a large thunderstorm, He eventually decides to revisit Rose's room in an attempt to talk to his mother once again, knowing everything he knows now.
Comments: 5
Kudos: 25





	Steven Universe: Storm in the Mind

“So, what’s the plan around Chicago, are you going to continue north to Minneapolis, or are you going to go south to Indianapolis, You’ve got some options once you get over there.” Connie says.

Steven is sitting on the couch to the left of his living room, talking to Connie over facetime on his phone. Outside, the sky is covered with dark storm clouds, and rain pours down over the house, flooding the gutters and creating mini waterfalls Steven can see from his window. There is a small lamp illuminating the couch Steven is sitting on, the rest of the room being shrouded in a blue hued darkness, just barely illuminated by the remaining moonlight that managed to pierce through the thick storm clouds. Occasionally, a lightning bolt will lighten the room, before immediately leaving and letting room return to darkness, followed by a loud roar of thunder.

“I guess go south towards Indianapolis, there’s too many polis’s in the midwest, they need to get some originality” Steven points out while laughing.

“Sure, but do you know how many “Sea related term” city towns we have here in Delmarva. Beach city, Ocean city, and Shell city. We on the east coast have no room to talk” Connie says with a laugh.

“I guess so,” Steven responds with a smile. Suddenly, a big flash of light along with a loud crack of thunder booms from outside of Steven’s house, causing the lamp to flash and making Steven accidentally fumble with his phone.

“Jesus, that sounded like a close one” Connie says.

“Yeah, must have just been right outside, I wonder what the storm is like for the gems right now.” Steven says.

“Where are the gems?” Connie asks.

“They’re all teaching some late night classes, gems don’t really need to sleep you know,” Steven responds.

“I wish I could say the same for myself,” Connie says.

“Same,” Steven responds, “Anyways, how much time do you have left?”

“A few more minutes, We still have time to talk. Can I ask about how therapy went today, I’m really curious.” Connie asks.

“I uhhh” Steven stumbles, not really knowing how to talk about his new therapy sessions, still being fairly new to them himself, “I guess it went okay.”

“What did you guys talk about?” Connie asks.

“She asked me how I’ve been since the last time we met, she asked me a few questions about the journal she’s having me write. We talked about a few passages that I was comfortable enough to share. There was a part about my mom and she focused on that a bit.” Steven explains.

“So you guys talked about your mom?” Connie asks.

“Well, not really, looking back on it. She delved in a little bit but I really couldn’t answer any of her questions, I think she got the sense I was uncomfortable and she moved on. I want to talk about it, I just…. don’t know anything about her. I mean I know what she did, I know what the gems say about her, but I don't really know her.... you know.” Steven responds.

“I’m sorry Steven, I know that can’t be easy.” Connie says with a sympathetic voice.

“It’s okay, I’ve had a lot of time to think about it” Steven says with a misplaced laugh, “I just wish I could meet her, even if it’s only for a minute, just something.”

“I uhhh.” Connie says nervously, not knowing how to respond.

“I…. I’m sorry for dumping all that on you, I should shut up.” Steven says.

“NO… I mean, just because I don’t really know how to respond doesn’t mean I don’t want to listen. I’m always here if you need to talk about anything. You know that, right?” Connie asks.

“Yeah, I do, thank you” Steven responds.

Suddenly, an alarm beeping comes from Connie’s room. “Shit, that’s my alarm. You know what, I can spend a little longer talking if you need me to.”

“No no, go ahead and study, trust me I’m fine.” Steven responds.

“Steven we’ve been over this, I’m not just going to ignore you when you need help. And saying, ‘but I’m fine’ is not going to stop me.” Connie says.

“Okay, you got me there.” Steven says with a laugh, “I can wait until your next break, I’ll just play some games on my phone, I’m stable enough to just talk when you have the time.” Steven says.

“Are you sure?” Connie asks.

“Absolutely,” Steven responds.

“Alright, but in a half an hour I’m calling you back to make sure you’re okay.” Connie responds.

“I’ll be here,” Steven says with a laugh.

“Alright, I’ll see you, I lov- umm, goodbye” Connie says.

“Goodbye Connie, I love you too.” Steven says.

“Wait wha-” Connie says before being cut off by Steven ending the facetime call.

“I promise I’ll ask her out soon,” Steven says while talking to himself. “She’s working and umm… Okay I see your point, I’ve made this excuse before.”

Steven lays down on his couch, staring up at the ceiling. Another thunder roar can be heard, this one being quieter than before. The rain continues to pour on the ceiling, creating a low rumbling noise throughout the house. Steven tries to play games on his phone to pass the time, but quickly loses interest, opting to just lay down and think.

“Ughhhh I have no hobbies...” Steven says while bored, staring at his ceiling.

“I wonder what hobbies mom had- No, no thinking about her, we’re not going down that rabbit hole again.” Steven thinks, blocking out any thoughts of his mom.

“I wonder how the gems are doing, Pearl must be teaching some tech classes. Now that I think about it, it makes sense that Pearl is a bit more tech savvy than the others. She’s always had to be pretty technologically advanced to be a pearl for Pink diamo-.... nope, stopping that thought now” Steven thinks.

“Okay, but speaking of the diamonds, they must be on homeworld right now. I wonder if homeworld gets thunderstorms. I assume no since Peridot had no idea what rain was when she first came here, but homeworld still does have an atmosphere. Maybe it’s because there’s no real oceans left on homeworld, since the diamonds tore apart the planet. White told me the planet was torn like that during Era 2 to make more room for gem production, I wonder what it must have been like before that. I wonder if mom ever got to see rain on homeworl- oh MY GOD STEVEN” Steven shouts at himself.

Steven covers his head with a pillow, sighing into it out of frustration. “Stop… thinking… about… mom.”

Steven throws the pillow off his head and sits back up, hunching over with his elbows on his knees. He summons a small pink hexagon in his hand, staring into the dim pink light radiating off of it. He gives into his thoughts, thinking about his mother.

“You must have been so powerful, you were a diamond after all. I’m.... a diamond after all. Did you ever even want to save the earth, or did you just think it was a place you could run away from your responsibilities.” Steven thinks, continuing to stare at the pink hexagon.

“But maybe the other diamonds expected you to do something you didn’t want to do. I wouldn’t want you to feel like you had no other option to be a brutal dictator, I just… wish you cared a little more about the people in your life. Maybe you did and just weren’t very good at expressing it, or maybe you were just selfish and put your feelings before anyone else's, that’s what the other diamonds do sometimes, but you were different then them, somehow.”

“But maybe you weren’t, maybe you were just a selfish person and I have to accept that” Steven says. Steven dissipates the pink hexagon, and lays back down on the couch. Steven then looks towards the temple door, specifically the rose quartz gem engraving in it.

“You know Rose's room doesn’t work like that, it’s only what you want her to be. It’s still not her.” Steven thinks to himself.

“Maybe, but I think I just need some closure. My therapist was talking about closure earlier, and how important it is, maybe it’ll help me with that. Besides, I don’t want to make Rose this time, I want to see Pink Diamond. Maybe that’ll be different somehow” Steven thinks.

Steven walks over to the temple door, his gem glowing as he approaches. The door glows different shades of pink before retreating in a rose shaped fashion, leading to a familiar pink room full with pink clouds floating by. Steven enters the room, brushing his hands through the clouds as he walks by. The pink cloud floor puffs around Steven's feet as he walks by, almost as if he’s walking on a giant pillow. Steven stops in the center of the room and looks ahead.

“Hey… room. I know I’ve tried this before and it didn’t really work, but I think I want to try it again. I want to speak to my mom, my real mom, Pink Diamond.”

Suddenly, a pink blob forms in front of Steven, rising a good 5 feet above Steven’s head. The cloud swirls for a bit before it takes the shape of Pink Diamond. Steven looks up as the cloud dissipates, leaving behind pink diamond, who stares back down at Steven.

“Hi… mom” Steven says, his voice shaking.

“Oh, It’s you,” Pink says dismissively. Pink gets down on her knees to be closer to Steven. Still her head is slightly above Steven’s head. “I never thought I’d see you.”

“Yeah, it’s me, Steven…” Steven says.

“Hi Steven, It’s really nice to meet you, I’m sure you want to talk but I can’t really do that right now, I’m… busy.” Pink says, seemingly slightly uncomfortable with seeing Steven.

“Wait, but you just got here, Look I…” Steven says before pausing.

“God what am I doing, what exactly was my plan here” Steven thinks, immediately regretting his decision.

“Look, I think we need to talk. I’ve been through a lot lately, and I’d be lying if I said most of it wasn’t because of you, can I ask you a few questions, just for a bit of closure?” Steven says.

“Phh, okay Steven. I’m sure I caused ALL your problems,” Pink says sarcastically with a laugh, shocking Steven.

“Well, the majority of the things that I’ve had to deal with in my life were because of you.” Steven says, becoming slightly heated. Suddenly, Pink’s face shifts weirdly, pink clouds briefly cover her face before removing themselves, replacing her caring expression with a far more dismissive expression.

“Okay Steven,” Pink says with a laugh, “Whatever you say.”

“Look… Pink, can we just talk, and maybe not dismiss each other here.” Steven asks

“I’m all ears Steven.” Pink says.

“But you just… you know what, never mind.” Steven says, trying not to fight.

Steven calms himself before saying, “Alright, I guess my first question is… god where do I even start… I guess I can start with why did you decide to start a war? Was it because you wanted to protect the earth, or was it because you just wanted to get away from homeworld?”

Pink steps back for a second, giving Steven a seemingly shocked face. Then she begins to laugh, waving her hand at Steven as she does.

“Wait, really?” Pink says to Steven’s confusion.

“What?” Steven says, “What do you mean by that?”

“Wow, you all have believed that fluff story. Organic species were always cool to have around, but I never cared about them, I just wanted to get away from the diamond breathing down my back. I just said that so Pearl would get off my back I didn’t think she’d tell everyone that.” Pink diamond says with a laugh.

“But… that’s not true! You collected organic species all the time. You got in trouble with the other diamonds when you set a bunch of organics loose in the palace halls, I’m confused.” Steven says.

“Oh that? It was one time, Blue never let me down for that, God they were the worst. I was so much happier here without them.” Pink says.

“But they cared about you. They might have been bad, but they didn’t deserve that. What made you any better than they were.” Steven says, beginning to get worked up, his palms sweating as his face turns red.

“Yeah whatever.” Pink says dismissively.

“It’s not whatever, I understand they weren’t very good to you, and you had every right to run away from them, but I always thought it was because you wanted to defend organic species, did you make all that up?” Steven asks, confused. “And what about Spinel, you just left her in that garden all by herself for thousands of years. You can’t think she deserved that too” Steven says, beginning to get more angry the more he asks questions.

“Spinel? She was a toy, I grew up. You want me to keep my toys around while I’m running an empire.” Pink says, continuously dismissing.

“She isn't just a TOY, she’s a person. How dare you act like she’s just your possession, even the diamonds managed to grow past that. Is that what everyone else is to you, was Pearl just a toy to you?” Steven says, beginning to raise his voice.

“I mean yeah, kind of” Pink says with a laugh, “She’s a pearl, she didn’t matter, I made her feel like she was something more so she’d stick around, then she got all attached.”

“You mean she fell in love with you… even though I can’t tell why.” Steven says.

“Excuse me.” Pink says, giving Steven a disgusted face.

“You treat people like dirt. You started a whole war just to get away from your responsibilities. Millions of gems were either shattered or corrupted because of you, and you act like every inconvenience you experienced justifies that.” Steven shouts, beginning to glow pink. The room around the two begins to turn dark, the clouds swirling faster as thunder can be heard in the distance.

“The diamonds may have been bad to you, but there were better options than wasting millions of lives to run away, and leaving everyone you didn’t want behind.” Steven says.

“I’m a diamond Steven, none of those gems ever mattered.” Pink says, blowing off Steven.

“How did dad or Pearl like you, how did anyone like you, this makes no sense!” Steven says to himself. “Do I even matter to you?”

“Excuse me?” Pink says.

Steven continues, saying, “Or was I just a tool so you didn’t have to deal with any of your mistakes. Did you create me so I could deal with all your mistakes? Then once I die and I’m not using your gem anymore, you can just come back with all your problems solved!”

Suddenly, Pink diamond’s face briefly shifts, pink clouds can briefly be seen over her face as it changes from a dismissive expression to a downright cruel expression.

“Wow, you cracked the code.” Pink says while standing up, turning her back to Steven, “Too bad it didn’t work like I thought it would, but at least I’m done having to think about everything I have to do. I’m done with this conversation now, you need to leave.”

“You…. I…. HOW DARE YOU!!!” Steven shouts, creating a sonic bolt, getting Pink’s attention. “That confirms it, you are a HORRIBLE person. I thought you might have been but everyone told me otherwise, but they must have been wrong. I never want to be associated with you. I want to be so much better than you. I AM better than you, and I always will be. I’m going to fix everything you did and make sure you can't hurt another person.”

This makes Pink freeze. Her fist clenches as she turns back around.

“So you think you’re better than me? I am a diamond, I don’t have to listen to you or anyone else for that matter. I came here to get away from my responsibilities, and now all the sudden I have even more responsibilities. Get off my back or I’ll make you.” Pink says in an angered tone.

“If you want so desperately to get away from your responsibilities, then why don’t you right now. Fight me!” Steven says, glowing pink while clenching his fists.

“Fine.” Pink says while smirking.

Suddenly, Pink swipes her arm to the left, creating a wall of pink hexagons. She then throws her arm forward, shoving the wall towards Steven. Steven jumps into the air above the wall, He then summons a shield and spins around midair, using his spin to give his shield some extra momentum as he throws it towards Pink. The shield hits Pink in the face, causing her to cover her face with her hands, stepping back.

Pink uncovers her face, revealing an enraged version of herself. She blasts towards Steven, activating her super speed. She blasts right in front of Steven pushing him back in super speed. This causes Steven to be thrown back.He hits the edge of the room, pink clouds quickly forming a wall behind him, preventing him from going any further. Pink summons two hexagons with each hand, throwing both at Steven. Steven quickly moves out of the way, allowing the hexagons to hit the cloud wall.

Steven then jumps into the air and summons a pink hexagon below his feet, creating a hoverboard for himself. Lightning begins to fill the arena as the storm in the room worsens. Steven takes advantage of the lightning, using his bubble fist to absorb a lightning strike, giving his fist an electric boost. Steven hovers towards pink as she summons a giant shield in front of herself. Steven moves quickly towards pink with his makeshift hoverboard, and slams his fist into the shield, causing a big lightning blast.

The shield blasts back towards Pink, who is also thrown aback by the punch. Pink diamond flies back to the other side of the room as her shield disappears. Pink cloud walls form behind her, stopping her from going any further. Steven uses his hoverboard to fly towards Pink. Steven summons several other hexagons in the air, launching them towards pink as he moves forward. Pink creates her own hexagons to deflect Stevens’. Steven flies low to the ground, and puts his hands on the ground. He flips over, sending his hoverboard hexagon above his head, Steven using the momentum of his feet to send the hexagon flying towards pink.

Steven flips over and lands on his feet as his hexagon slams into Pink’s stomach. Pink gets the wind knocked out of her as she falls to her knees, unable to stand back up. Steven takes the opportunity to surround her with other Pink hexagons, pinning her down to the ground, preventing her from moving as Steven approaches.

“Am I still just a tool for YOU!” Steven says while enraged, his fists glowing pink as his eyes glow white, his pupils creating a diamond shape. The room is now engulfed in a hurricane, with Pink and Steven standing in the eye as clouds swirl around them. Lightning dashing across the clouds where they stand.

“Am I still just your little TOY!” Steven says, tightening the restraints around Pink, “ANSWER ME!”

Pink looks up at Steven, but doesn’t say a word. Her face morphs into an expressionless void, staring right back at Steven. Even as Steven pokes and prods, she doesn’t say a word.

“GO ON, ANSWER ME!” Steven says, punching her in the face with a bubble fist. Pink’s head moves to left, but quickly recoils back to staring at Steven.

“ADMIT IT, I’M BETTER THAN YOU, JUST ADMIT IT.” Steven says, shouting at his mother.

“SAY SOMETHING,” Steven says, screaming at the top of his lungs. Rain pours down around the two, lightning constantly striking around the two, the wind blasting in different directions. Pink gaze stays fixed on Steven, not saying a word.

“JUST SAY SOMETHING, ANYTHING!!!” Steven screams, so loud to the point where the room around him glitches, pixel grids briefly coming into view, causing clouds to flash in and out of existence. Pink diamond flashes between different forms, Rose quartz with her dress and again with her jumpsuit, Pink Steven, buff Steven, Godzilla Steven, all of these forms flash right before Steven before settling back to Pink Diamond.

“Why wont you say something…” Steven says, unable to shout anymore due to his throat being physically incapable.

“Why… Why are you like this! Why are you acting like this… This isn’t you.” Steven says, pausing for a brief moment. Steven looks down at his hands, realizing what’s happening.

“This still isn’t actually you, is it? Steven says, his rage subsiding, being replaced by pure exhaustion. The storm around Steven begins to die down. The rain stops, and the winds settle back down to a slight breeze.

Steven falls to his knees with tears in his eyes, saying “This still isn’t you, It’s who I want you to be. Everything you said earlier wasn’t real, it’s just what I want you to think. I want you to be evil. I want you to be this cruel, heartless person so I can be better than you. You did so many bad things to the people around you, I want the reason to be because you’re just a selfish evil person”

“But you’re not, you’re a person, who isn’t perfect… just like me. I shattered Jasper, I crashed by dad’s van, I almost shattered White Diamond, I almost destroyed Beach City. I ignored everyone that tried to help me because I thought no one could help me. I’ve done horrible things just like you.” Steven says to a still blank faced Pink diamond.

“I didn’t want to admit that because then everything I said about you, I also have to say about me. I want to hate you so I don’t hate myself.”

Steven releases the hexagon restraints he has on Pink. Pink drops to the ground, but quickly sits up, continuing to stare at Steven as he stares back.

“Why… Why can’t I just forgive you… I forgave Peridot, I forgave Bismuth. Hell, I forgave the diamonds, who were objectively far worse than you. At least you wanted to save organic species, even if you didn’t know how. If I forgave the diamonds I should be able to forgive you but… But… BUT I just CAN’T!!” Steven shouts.

Steven buries his face in his hands, unable to hold back his tears anymore. He lets go, completely melting down into his hands as he continues to cry in front of his mother, his sobs drowning out the sound of the wind in the background.

“Maybe you can’t because that means you also have to forgive yourself too.” Steven hears while weeping into his hands. He looks up with a tear ridden face, to see rose quartz in front of him.

“Please… Please change back.” Steven says, unable to form full sentences.

“Steven, it doesn’t matter what form I take, I’m still me, whether I’m rose or Pink.” Rose says, “And you are still you, no matter what form you take.”

“But…” Steven says, staring at the ground.

“Look, Steven, I’m not perfect. I’ve made plenty of mistakes, and hurt a lot of people. I never realized the impact I had on other people’s lives until… I had you. Part of the reason I had you was because I wanted to make up for all the selfish actions I’ve ever done, and do something truly selfless, creating a life for my son. I’m so sorry it isn’t as perfect as I wanted it to be”

Steven wipes the tears off of his face, before saying “I’m sorry mom, I just… I still really have no idea what you were like. For the longest time everyone told me you were this wonderful person who never did anything wrong. Then as I learned more about you and your mistakes, I wanted to paint you as this cruel heartless villain so I could hate you and take the moral high ground, pretend I’m the better version of you I guess, like that was my purpose.” Steven says.

“But you aren’t evil. You aren’t perfect by any means, but you aren’t evil. You’re flawed, and were given way too much power for you to handle. I know that because I’m the same. I’m flawed too, and I have way too much power that I can’t handle. I don’t want to make the same mistakes as you, but I keep finding myself doing the same things over and over again, and it was just easier to blame you, I’m sorry.”

Just as Steven says this, Rose quartz bursts into a pink cloud, briefly taking the shape of Pink Diamond before fading out of existence for good.

“I’ll never know you, the real you, but I think I might be getting closer to accepting that. No matter which way I try to portray you, I’m still defining myself based off you. Maybe I should work on trying to figure out who I am before trying to figure out who you are.” Steven says, getting off of his knees and back on his feet.

“Room, give me the exit door, I think I’ve had enough for now,” Steven says.

Suddenly, the temple door appears right in front of Steven, the door opening back up to his living room. The storm outside still rages on, but the power has returned to Steven’s room, the overhead lights coming back on. Steven exits Rose's room and walks back to the couch, immediately falling face first onto the couch, burying his face in the cushions.

“Ugh why did I decide to do that to myself,” Steven says with a laugh through the dried tears.

Steven sees his phone on the table in front of the couch. He picks it up and decides to dial Connie’s number. The phone rings for a few moments before Connie picks up.

“Steven! You called, is everything okay!” Connie says with a concerned voice.

“Yeahhh… Well no, not at all actually” Steven says with a laugh, “Look, you wouldn’t mind if I came over for a little bit. I just don’t want to be alone right now. I’ll take Lion, that way I won't be in the rain for too long.”

“Steven of course you can come over. You can help me study for my chem exam tomorrow, or we can also just talk if you have something on your mind.” Connie says.

“Thank you, I’ll be over soon. I’ll see you then.” Steven says, “Goodbye, I love you.”

“I love you too,” Connie says before Steven hangs up.

Steven throws himself back onto his couch, mentally preparing himself to leave the house.

“Hey mom,” Steven says while putting his hand on his gem, “I love you, and I know you love me too. I’m sorry about everything that’s happened, but just know I’m going to keep moving forward, I hope you’ll come with me.”


End file.
